THE FUNNY BONE

Tasteful jokes and comics

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The Airhead's Cookbook...

MONDAY: It's fun to cook thought Tom. Today he made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan him some extra bowls.

TUESDAY: Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So he didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom's friends came over for supper.

WEDNESDAY: A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but Tom took a bath anyway. He couldn't tell if it improved the rice any.

THURSDAY: Today Tom wanted salad again. He tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Now, we know, why Tom was rolling around in the garden.

FRIDAY: Tom found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When Tom got back, everything was the same as when he left.

SATURDAY: Tom's wife went shopping today and brought Tom home a chicken. She asked Tom to dress it for Sunday (oh boy). Tom's still wondering why she keeps counting to ten and saying "I know ya wanna ask"!

SUNDAY: Tom wanted to fix dinner for his family. He wanted to serve roast, but all he had was hamburger. Suddenly He had a flash of genius. He put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It STILL came out hamburger, much to his disappointment.

GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY: This has been a very exciting week. Tom is eager for tomorrow to come so he can try out a new recipe . If he can afford it, Tom wants to buy a bigger oven, he would like to surprise his family with a chocolate moose.

THE RULES OF CHOCOLATE

If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, You're eating it too slowly.
Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in hot car.
The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It will take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.
A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?
If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer.
But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?
If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?